March 19, 2024 (faith for today)

I’m always so astonished when people declare, with seeming certainty, that they know exactly what God is up to in their lives. How he’s moving, what he’s doing, and which doors they expect him to open next. I must look absolutely dumbfounded in their presence as they talk—with my furrowed brow and dropped jaw. Meanwhile, my mind runs circles on overtime, trying to make sense of what’s going on around me. Most days I have absolutely no clue.

I’m not sure what this says about me, or my relationship with God. Surely it could be better, closer, more intimate… if it was those things, would I still feel as in-the-dark about his plans for my life? Maybe. Because even when I look back on seasons when my heart was so sure, so surrendered and honest before him… I still didn’t have a clue. When I felt sure he was zigging, that’s when he zagged. When I felt sure he would open certain doors, that’s when the doors closed and a random, forgotten window off to the side started creaking open.

God and I have an odd relationship. I can never quite figure him out. I wish I could predict, with any level of certainty, the future. My future. How he is moving and what he’s up to. The end result and final destination of my time here on earth.

But, alas. I am not God. It’s not my job to know the future. At this I sigh, and remember the Israelites, stumbling through the desert on their way to the promised land. Complaining, of course, just like me. It’s a sobering thought—that our routes, and the time it takes to get to our destination, could be (at least in part) determined by our poor attitudes.

God, help us (help me) to wander well—to trust you in the process, ever more deeply and with greater sincerity of heart. Help us turn our grumblings into prayers, accented with remembrance and praise of who you’ve been, who you are, and who you will always continue to be. Sustain us with bits of sweet manna, just enough faith for this present day. Help us understand that this, our daily bread, is truly enough.

Faith for today. Amen amen amen.